Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
