Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
