okay pat passed out under dana's car
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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