the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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