too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
