There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize