Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
