This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
my liver is dry heaving
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
