i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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