420 ftw
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize