all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
