his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
