I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
