16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
