Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
