I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
