after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
