I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
