Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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