Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
