eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
