My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
