So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i will never coherently bang her
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
A bitchslap is in order.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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