im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
