Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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