I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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