This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
