Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize