I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
