we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
