Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
