She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
