He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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