There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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