my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
