i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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