i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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