What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
