Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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