i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
