it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
