my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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