none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The uberlube is also flammable
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
