i need an iv and a liver transplant
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I could fuck to npr.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
