I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
