he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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