instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Bring me that man meat
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
