They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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