But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
