He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
