he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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