I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
