In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize