I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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