I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
