why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
