I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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