If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
