It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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