I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
