I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
