Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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