singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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