Are we in a gay sports bar?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
