I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
