hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
