and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize