So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
