the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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