that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
