id be glad to
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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