Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
