you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize