plz talk dirty to me
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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