walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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