it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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