I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
