i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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