after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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