Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
