Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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