I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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