White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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