Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
