Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
