Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize