and i looked up. we had an audience...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
