onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she smelled like a LAN party
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
