Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
