lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
