So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
