i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
