So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
